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It is time for some comic relief, so for No. 4 on the list of my favorite Japanese films of 2007 we turn to the antics of comic actor Abe Sadao in search of that elusive phenomenon, a real Kyoto geisha, in Maiko Haaaan!!!.

By the way, “Haaaan” is just a very enthousiastic pronunciation of “han”, which is Kyoto dialect for “san” - so the title means “Miss Maiko.”

In Kyoto the ladies of the Flower Districts (the Hanamachi) are called geiko and maiko rather than geisha (which is however a convenient term, so I won’t stop using it). To be precise, a maiko is a young “apprentice geisha” (lit. “dance child”) who wears a long-sleeved, colorful kimono and walks on okobo, a sort of high clogs. Geiko wear a different, more formal hairstyle and can be all ages - I have been in a geisha party where the top lady was seventy (happily, Japan is a hierarchical society, so she sat opposite the head of our group; I was the lowest in rank, so my companion was an infinitely more enjoyable maiko)!

Sakuran was about the “oiran” prostitutes rather than geisha - geisha in contrast are not prostitutes, but more like entertainers and hostesses avant-la-date -, but both flicks have in common that they will probably not be very popular with Western audiences. After all, people outside japan like to feed on the “myth of the geisha” in sugar-coated fairytales as Memoirs of a Geisha. But the interesting thing is, that for modern Japanese geiko and maiko are just as rare and exotic as for Americans or Europeans!

What is it about
Abe Sadao plays Onizuka, an employee at a cup noodle manufacturer in Tokyo, a nerd with a bowl-shaped haircut, who spends all his free time (and company time as well) writing his blog about maiko and traveling to Kyoto to take pictures of the beautiful ladies. When a guy called Naito (Tsutsumi Shin’ichi) flames his website, claiming that Onizuka has never even attended a real geisha party, Onizuka asks to be transferred to the company’s subsidiary in Kyoto. He has to redeem his honor by finally playing with real maiko!

This Kyoto factory is a sleepy place, kept open only because the company president (Ito Shiro) is fond of Kyoto. But thanks to the rule that only formally introduced guests are welcome in geisha houses (Iron Rule: “No First-Timers Allowed!”), Onizuka is unable to get access to the object of his obsession. Comes along his boss, who is revealed as an old hand at the geisha game and a trusted habitué at maiko parties. But the shrewd businessman is only willing to provide Onizuka with the sorely-needed introduction if Onizuka first makes the Kyoto branch of his company profitable… something Onizuka surprisingly easily takes care of. And then the doors of the mysterious maiko world swing wide open for Onizuka…

In a subplot, Fujiko, the somewhat sloppy Tokyo girlfriend who was left in the lurch by Onizuka to hunt after his maiko dream (played by Shibasaki Kou) travels to Kyoto to become a maiko herself… and Naito, Onizuka’s nemesis, appears to be related to his favorite maiko, Komako (Koide Saori). Complications enough for some nice plot twists and gradually the story escalates when the competition between Onizuka and Naito is fought out not only inside the geisha house, but also in thge worlds of film, baseball and politics. The result is an unpredictable but also highly enjoyable ride through insanity.

What I like about it

- The glimpse into the maiko world
Yes, I am no stranger to the geisha virus myself (see my article on geisha or the Miyagawacho geisha district) and always enjoy a story placed in their colorful milieu. Filmed (partly) on location in Gion and Miyagawacho and including a geisha revue which was danced in the Kamishichiken Theater, Maiko Haaaan!!! is fully loaded with couleur locale. Koide Saori (playing Komako, the maiko who befriends Onizuka) is the perfect, demure Kyoto geisha with the perfect oval face - it is a pity we only see her under all that white powder! Shibasaki Kou is less convincing as a maiko (her face is too expressive), but that may be on purpose to remind us of the fact that she is The Girlfriend.

- Abe Sadao’s mad antics
One would almost mistake him for a “manzai” comedian, but Abe Sadao is a “normal” actor who excels in playing maniacally obsessed characters. In this role, he has a total fixation on maiko, and is the most geeky geisha fan possible. First he strives with all his might to get past the “No First-Timers Allowed!” rule, next thinks he cannot go on living without first playing strip “rock-paper-scissors” with the maiko, and finally, most of all, goes mad because of his compulsive rivalry with Naito. His hyperactive antics are sometimes quite dizzying, making me grateful that I don’t have a friend or family member like him - but it is nice on the screen.

- a perfectly insane piece of comedy
Script is by popular scriptwriter Kudo Kankuro of Yaji and Kita fame (see interview with him by Tom Mes on Midnight Eye), so the story could not be zanier. Helmer is Mizuta Nobou, a TV man new to film who does a decent job by following the script that is already so strongly individualistic that it does not leave much space for other initiatives anyway.

The plot of Maiko Haaaan!!! has as many twists and turns as the Alpenroute, so enjoy the ride but don’t forget to fasten your seatbelt!

Links

Official website.

Abe Sadao on Wiki Drama.

Wikipedia geisha page.

Review by Tom Mes on Midnight Eye.

Have you seen Maiko Haaaan!!!? What did you think about it?